One in a Balian

Why is it that how we perceive ourselves is usually different than how our friends, family and even the universe sees us? Are we taught to not fully love ourselves or do we pick up on self criticism from how we perceive the world?   Self-help books seem to be all the craze and don’t get me wrong I love them too. When I was at my lowest self-loathing phase of the tummy rolls and a bald head I wanted nothing more than to be inspired to take on the world and feel a bit better about myself. Little did I know I was already taking on the world and battling my disease. It’s sad that as my body was trying to fight to stay alive I was more concerned with my self perception or even the perception of others. I would walk around the grocery store not confident and very anxious about what others were thinking of me… but guess what… NO ONE CARES and actually thinks the complete opposite of your self perception! Now looking back I realize that my situation brought a different type o...

It's been almost two weeks since I've been back from Mexico and I must say I love being home. I thought about kissing the floor of LAX when we arrived after the long, delayed travel day but I didn't want to risk the Hepatitis I might contract. I am in a new place in my life that I almost felt never would get here. For so long I was reminiscing about when I was healthy and what it would be like to be able to curl my hair or go out dancing and now those days are getting closer and closer. It's a weird feeling to feel more normal each day instead of waiting for a surgery date or my next chemo appointment. Mikayel and I keep using this analogy that we have been running full speed on a treadmill for 2 years and now all of a sudden someone pulled the emergency stop cord and we are taking a big deep breath. It's an interesting place to be especially in our relationship. We are relearning each other. We are silly and have fun and at sometimes it feels immature but I just th...