Magic in Our Bones

It's been almost two weeks since I've been back from Mexico and I must say I love being home. I thought about kissing the floor of LAX when we arrived after the long, delayed travel day but I didn't want to risk the Hepatitis I might contract. I am in a new place in my life that I almost felt never would get here. For so long I was reminiscing about when I was healthy and what it would be like to be able to curl my hair or go out dancing and now those days are getting closer and closer. It's a weird feeling to feel more normal each day instead of waiting for a surgery date or my next chemo appointment. Mikayel and I keep using this analogy that we have been running full speed on a treadmill for 2 years and now all of a sudden someone pulled the emergency stop cord and we are taking a big deep breath. It's an interesting place to be especially in our relationship. We are relearning each other. We are silly and have fun and at sometimes it feels immature but I just think it's because we have had this serious, intense cloud hanging over us that anything that feels like when we first started dating feels a little young and different. I am not complaining because I would much prefer living in this fun, blissful, young love than the heavy stuff. 

I have had a lot of me time since being home. I am figuring out what I enjoy and what I want to spend my days doing. The other night at a dinner party with some close friends I decided to teach them some line dancing, the boot scootin' boogie to be exact and they asked to see some tap moves. It had been 2 years since I have tried tapping or even intense dancing other than jumping around at our wedding. My face lit up as I was doing it and realized that I am still the same me and enjoy the same things I used to. I just need to let fear go and try those things again. Who cares if I am no longer an advanced tap dancer? Just being in a room with syncopated sounds would light me up. 

Since being home I am really trying to focus on some of the most influential things I learned at Hope 4 Cancer, most of it being my emotional and mental health. Each day I am meditating and breathing in the joy, health & happiness and breathing out the control, disease & fear. While I am focused on my breathing I notice that my breaths are getting deeper and deeper. I think this means that those pesky little tumors are learning to leave me alone. My mind keeps coming back to the idea that our intuition is one of the greatest powers out there while I am mediating. I was reminded again today about it while listening to "Body" by Sleeping At Last. It says "There's magic in our bones, A north star in our soul, That remembers our way home, There's magic in our bones." (I recommend listening to it. And if you need some good relaxing music this is the artist to listen to, especially the Atlas Space album.) What a cool concept that our body is self healing and knows the way it is supposed to be. I have learned that our gut is actually considered a second brain because of all of the neurons present so instead of always thinking with our head we need to give our gut a little more credit & thinking time!